Space Invaders by Nate Ball

Author:Nate Ball
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2016-03-10T16:00:00+00:00

Talking Tough

The Kaloofa and Amp exchanged words for a minute—at least I thought it was words. I couldn’t understand any of it. They were talking Erdian. It sounded like static on the radio with bird chirps and guinea pig grunts mixed in.

Finally she waved her three-fingered hand, and Amp hopped up and began speaking even more rapidly in Erdian, pointing at Olivia and me. I caught two Erdian words I knew: floofy and brimples. The rest of it was a complete mystery.

The Kaloofa didn’t look impressed. She even crossed her arms and tapped one of her hairy boots, the intergalactic symbol of You’re boring me to death.

Poor Amp. The more he explained and the more excited he got, the worse it looked for us. His body language told me he needed help.

It was time to get tough.

“Hey, can I say something?” I interrupted.

They both looked at me like I had farted. Strike two for Zack McGee.

Boy, these Erdians were snooty.

“Does she speak English, like you?” I asked.

Amp shook his head. “No. She never bothered. It takes several weeks of training to learn your language, which is sort of below an Erdian royal.”

“Several weeks?” I said. “Gosh, I’m still trying to figure it out after ten years.”

“It’s a relatively simple language compared to many,” he said. “I’m sure the Kaloofa didn’t think it was worth the trouble.”

I growled. “Let’s not even get into how rude that is.”

“Yes, let’s not,” he said, shooting a nervous, sideways glance at the Kaloofa.

“Well, then, can you translate something for me? Why don’t you tell your queen this: You’re messing with the wrong planet, missy. We humans are ready to whup some Erdian butt. We’ll knock the snot out of your antennas. You want to dance? Oh, we are so ready to dance, sister. So why don’t you take your seaweed hat and go back through that wormhole in space and time you crawled out of.”

Amp stared at me with his mouth hanging open.

“You tell ’em, Zack,” Olivia’s grandfather said from behind me.

“Go ahead,” I said, snapping my fingers. “Tell her that.”

“Excuse me—I have a better idea,” Olivia said, raising her hand.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Amp said.

Olivia looked up and appeared to be composing her message. “Amp, why don’t you tell Mrs. Kaloofa that we welcome her to Earth. We are glad and humbled to meet someone of her stature.”

“What’s a stature?” I asked.

Amp nodded and proceeded to translate what Olivia said.

The Kaloofa made a small bow toward Olivia.

“Hey, what about the stuff I said?” I grumbled.

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